the last 24 hours were ones that reminded me that life is still a beautiful thing even when its beauty can be blurred by the crap that happens.
i went home last night so i could spend some time catching up with katie and kel in the oh so familiar sweeney basement. that place holds some great memories and it is always so fun to drive up to her house and just hang out like old times. then this morning kel and i went back to good old Williamston High School to partake in the annual Turkey Feast that marks the beginning of Christmas break and brings back all the science alumni to the school for food and old friends. it was really fun walking those halls with kel and seeing everything we used to be a huge part of, even though a lot of it has changed now. catching up with some friends i haven't seen in forever and getting to see some awesome teachers too. going back and reliving old times always seems to stir something in me and spark a lot of conversation with kelly and katie.
afterwards me and my mom went out to face the chaotic world that is Christmas shopping. now you have to realize that my mom hates shopping and she is also a terribly indecisive person...especially when there is a hard rock version of Jingle Bells blasting out of the speakers right above her head. there is always a little exasperation when we are out together, but it has been getting better and better and today we even laughed a few times and stopped to admire the large poster of John Krasinski in the Gap window.
then my dad decided to take the fam out to Clara's restaurant for some dinner action. i love eating out with my family. it makes me feel like a little kid again and it always brings conversation between my brother and i, which is something i also love. today he asked if i wanted to go with him to the Motor City Bowl, which shocked me because a) he wanted to go with me of all people and b) he wanted to go with me. then my dad decided to be sentimental and wove his way through Lansing to Holt in order to revisit our old stomping grounds and drive past all the Christmas light displays...but after hitting 4 dead ends, we promptly bailed on that plan and went to get a movie...
so tonight i am packing up and getting ready to head home for the next few days. i am kind of nervous because i know these next few days are going to hold a lot of emotion from all sides. i will have A LOT of thinking time which is something i'm excited about but also a little unprepared for. i know my dad and i will have some conversations that will make me reevaluate my life (which isn't always as bad as it sounds). in all honesty i know my nerves/patience/temper are going to be pushed, pulled, and provoked in all directions and i can only pray now that i can be mature and loving and full of grace. i've been praying a lot lately for grace and for the ability to be honest and not sarcastic and i know that this break is going to set me up with some serious practice time for both. wish me luck...
best of all. i get to be with my family for Christmas though. i am so so grateful for another year and i am so excited for the relaxation and down time. i am praying for everyone else's holidays; i hope they are meaningful, beneficial, and fun.
merry christmas to alllllllll :-)
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
slow down, young girl.
i am currently obsessed with wyclef jean and his new cd.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=43976834
please listen to:
slow down (featuring T.I.),
fast car (featuring Paul Simon),
any other day (featuring Norah Jones)
amazing.
for a long time i thought rap was just a gangster, girl bashing, drug loving genre that was good for nothing but looking like a foolish white person. lately though i have come to appreciate it as more of an art form; like any other music. it is a beautiful thing and there are people that just know how to do it right.
anywayssssssss.
i have been on vacation for exactly one week now. and i feel like a lazy bum. i have been doing nothing but sleeping in, watching movies, reading, and working a little bit. i've gone back to Williamston a few times to watch some basketball games and eat dinner with the fam, but i don't think i'm going to go back until this weekend to stay. it kind of feels like i have no where to go home anymore, my little sister took my room this past year so i don't have a room at home, it just makes me feel like a floater. i mean, i'm sure everyone experiences this feeling at some point, but i hate it. i love family and going home and having things the same over and over. i'm not really one for change...change makes me curl up into a grouchy cynical ball that doesn't feel like doing anything. i guess that could explain why i've felt like i'm grouchy and cynical all the time lately...because change is my life at this point.
everyday i wake up with this great plan for my day. to grow closer to god, to family and to friends, to work out, to check a bunch of stuff off my to do list and to have some alone time to just put life back into perspective. and everyday one thing after another just gets in the way of that plan. it's so easy for me to make excuses for why i can't get to everything in life...busy busy busy. it's such a cop out. my day doesn't have to go exactly as planned, but i'm so sick of wasted time.
in Psalm 37:5 we are commanded to "Commit your way to the Lord".
instead of waking up with a list of things i want to do...i need to wake up (with enough time for a quiet time) and ask God to show me the list of things he has planned for me. i need to find out what God wants to do with my day. if i am honestly seeking his will throughout my day, it will serve as motivation for me not to waste my time. if in every situation i am thinking "this is for you God" then there should be no way i choose to honor him with 4 hours on Facebook.
the other thing i have realized is that it's not going to change overnight. and that's ok. i was watching the Biggest Loser finale with my aunt tonight (we are reality tv junkies) and for each person it flashed back through their road to the finale and how hard they worked. these people were each around 250+ pounds and probably couldn't remember the last time they had worked out. it showed their first few MONTHS of working out and i couldn't help but think that that had to be the most frustrating feeling ever. you have worked your butt off round the clock (seriously all they do is work out for 6 months) and 2 months later you have only lost like 15 pounds and you want to lose 115. it would seem hopeless...i felt hopeless for them. we all want results so fast and if we have to wait too long we get impatient and move on unfulfilled. but i can tell you that when those contestants came through the door at the finale 6 months later and over 100 pounds thinner they knew that all that work was worth it. they didn't give up and they had finally reached their goal. they understood what it meant to work hard and they reaped the rewards for their faithfulness.
"The Lord rewards every man for his righteousness and faithfulness."
1 Samuel 26:23
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=43976834
please listen to:
slow down (featuring T.I.),
fast car (featuring Paul Simon),
any other day (featuring Norah Jones)
amazing.
for a long time i thought rap was just a gangster, girl bashing, drug loving genre that was good for nothing but looking like a foolish white person. lately though i have come to appreciate it as more of an art form; like any other music. it is a beautiful thing and there are people that just know how to do it right.
anywayssssssss.
i have been on vacation for exactly one week now. and i feel like a lazy bum. i have been doing nothing but sleeping in, watching movies, reading, and working a little bit. i've gone back to Williamston a few times to watch some basketball games and eat dinner with the fam, but i don't think i'm going to go back until this weekend to stay. it kind of feels like i have no where to go home anymore, my little sister took my room this past year so i don't have a room at home, it just makes me feel like a floater. i mean, i'm sure everyone experiences this feeling at some point, but i hate it. i love family and going home and having things the same over and over. i'm not really one for change...change makes me curl up into a grouchy cynical ball that doesn't feel like doing anything. i guess that could explain why i've felt like i'm grouchy and cynical all the time lately...because change is my life at this point.
everyday i wake up with this great plan for my day. to grow closer to god, to family and to friends, to work out, to check a bunch of stuff off my to do list and to have some alone time to just put life back into perspective. and everyday one thing after another just gets in the way of that plan. it's so easy for me to make excuses for why i can't get to everything in life...busy busy busy. it's such a cop out. my day doesn't have to go exactly as planned, but i'm so sick of wasted time.
in Psalm 37:5 we are commanded to "Commit your way to the Lord".
instead of waking up with a list of things i want to do...i need to wake up (with enough time for a quiet time) and ask God to show me the list of things he has planned for me. i need to find out what God wants to do with my day. if i am honestly seeking his will throughout my day, it will serve as motivation for me not to waste my time. if in every situation i am thinking "this is for you God" then there should be no way i choose to honor him with 4 hours on Facebook.
the other thing i have realized is that it's not going to change overnight. and that's ok. i was watching the Biggest Loser finale with my aunt tonight (we are reality tv junkies) and for each person it flashed back through their road to the finale and how hard they worked. these people were each around 250+ pounds and probably couldn't remember the last time they had worked out. it showed their first few MONTHS of working out and i couldn't help but think that that had to be the most frustrating feeling ever. you have worked your butt off round the clock (seriously all they do is work out for 6 months) and 2 months later you have only lost like 15 pounds and you want to lose 115. it would seem hopeless...i felt hopeless for them. we all want results so fast and if we have to wait too long we get impatient and move on unfulfilled. but i can tell you that when those contestants came through the door at the finale 6 months later and over 100 pounds thinner they knew that all that work was worth it. they didn't give up and they had finally reached their goal. they understood what it meant to work hard and they reaped the rewards for their faithfulness.
"The Lord rewards every man for his righteousness and faithfulness."
1 Samuel 26:23
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
believe in me.
every once in a while you second guess decisions.
my problem is that i over think every single thing i do. it results in a very stressful existence. i finished up my exams today and am now officially on christmas break, but i can't help just feeling anxious.
this is my first break pretty much since last christmas break. i don't count this summer as a break because i was working three jobs and constantly rushing from one thing to the next. my life was chaos and it was not fun at all. i developed this constant feeling in the pit of my stomach that was just a mix between nausea and butterflies. it was terrible. the times i did have to just sit and read or watch a movie, the whole time i would be racking through my brain for everything i still had to do or what i would be doing the next day. i could never enjoy myself, and i feel like it just made my personality go down the tubes. i became this tired, worrying, overly protective/sarcastic person that just was no fun to be around. i feel like it could have been a situation i used to grow closer to God and look to him for comfort and calm...but i feel like more often than not i just keep pushing and running to the next thing.
so here i am finally faced with a potential 3 weeks worth of doing absolutely NOTHING. yeah, i am going to work in the lab for break, but nothing too serious. i am just excited to sift through life and everything that has been happening in the last year to see what i've been though, decisions i've made, places i've grown, places that have gotten worse...and just to praise God for everything and draw near to him for relief, comfort, wisdom and insight into this crazy thing i call life.
i'm excited to rekindle and deepen friendship and to spend some quality time with my parents and siblings...and my dog. i'm excited to just go for walks, read books, watch movies, have some long deep talks and some good food.
God knows just when we need breaks...he knows just how far to push us.
my problem is that i over think every single thing i do. it results in a very stressful existence. i finished up my exams today and am now officially on christmas break, but i can't help just feeling anxious.
this is my first break pretty much since last christmas break. i don't count this summer as a break because i was working three jobs and constantly rushing from one thing to the next. my life was chaos and it was not fun at all. i developed this constant feeling in the pit of my stomach that was just a mix between nausea and butterflies. it was terrible. the times i did have to just sit and read or watch a movie, the whole time i would be racking through my brain for everything i still had to do or what i would be doing the next day. i could never enjoy myself, and i feel like it just made my personality go down the tubes. i became this tired, worrying, overly protective/sarcastic person that just was no fun to be around. i feel like it could have been a situation i used to grow closer to God and look to him for comfort and calm...but i feel like more often than not i just keep pushing and running to the next thing.
so here i am finally faced with a potential 3 weeks worth of doing absolutely NOTHING. yeah, i am going to work in the lab for break, but nothing too serious. i am just excited to sift through life and everything that has been happening in the last year to see what i've been though, decisions i've made, places i've grown, places that have gotten worse...and just to praise God for everything and draw near to him for relief, comfort, wisdom and insight into this crazy thing i call life.
i'm excited to rekindle and deepen friendship and to spend some quality time with my parents and siblings...and my dog. i'm excited to just go for walks, read books, watch movies, have some long deep talks and some good food.
God knows just when we need breaks...he knows just how far to push us.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
it's not supposed to make sense...
sometimes life is just hard.
it kicks you around and it makes you mad and you just can't ever seem to fully wrap your head around what is happening and why it had to happen to you. sometimes it seems to happen a lot more often than we'd care to admit.
in the course of my (short) life so far, i have realized that everyday will pose a dilemma...everyday something will happen that makes me stop and wonder "couldn't there be an easier way?"...usually it's something small that won't cause me to lose sleep, but some days you get hit pretty hard.
i've always heard that God won't put you through more than you can handle. i have clung desperately to those words many many times in my life. finally, somewhere down the road i will be able to digest what happened and learn to live with it as something that made me a better person, made me stronger, made me wiser...something like that. but the question is, what am i doing between the time it happens and the time i finally get some answers?....freaking out. stressing out. and letting it consume my life.
as i've grown up, i've come to rely more and more on friends. i am learning to be honest in my feelings, to trust a person completely and to use conversation to grow and not to gossip. in having friends, i have learned how to be a better friend, a better leader, a better counselor and listener, a better comforter and supporter. and most importantly i have learned the beauty of forgiveness. i have learned that friends are only human too and we all screw up sometimes. but it isn't about who wronged the other person more, it is about how quick you are going to be able to reconcile your differences and how quickly you are going to realize that whether or not you like a person, by holding onto those feelings, you are weaving yourself into a bondage that will have a hold on you that will remain and will strengthen until you finally deal with that person.
it is so easy to push yourself away from a person when something goes wrong and to pick out every little thing that annoys you just to prove to yourself that you are justified in your feelings toward them...but you are only roping yourself into a corner that will trap you from any other true friendship.
i say this, because I have done it and i see it in other people everyday. tolerance. the mere "coping" with a person because you have no other choice, and it makes me so sad. as a younglife leader i go into Mason High School on a fairly regular basis. i go there to build relationships with kids who might not have any other true honest forgive them friends, who might never have seen what a godly relationship looks like. i walk through those doors and lay all stereotypes by the wayside, i have to lay all preconceived notions and pet peeves at the door because jesus didn't call me to love who i wanted to, he called me to love unconditionally and without relenting.
sometimes people screw up, people say things that they may regret later, or maybe they don't. people might treat you in a way you would never dream of treating another person. in those moments it is so easy to just write them off, pay them back, or tolerant them because "you're a good person" and you can't be the one with a problem, it's them. i am the kind of person, that if someone doesn't like me, it kills me. i want to know why and i want to change. so to think that i expect that forgiveness from everyone else, and then sometimes someone makes me mad and i can say "that's it"...how lame. really, how lame.
some days. life is hard. some days, people are crappy. some days...you are too. and to say that "i don't care, they can just deal with it. it's just how i am and it doesn't bother me if people don't like me." that's weak. that's selfish.
jesus gave these words:
"Finishing is better than starting. Patience is better than pride." (eccle 7:8)
don't let those bad days hold you prisoner forever. don't be the person that is too cool to forgive. don't forget that you are just as human as the person sitting next you. don't forget that no matter what happens here, we are living for a much better end than that. <3
it kicks you around and it makes you mad and you just can't ever seem to fully wrap your head around what is happening and why it had to happen to you. sometimes it seems to happen a lot more often than we'd care to admit.
in the course of my (short) life so far, i have realized that everyday will pose a dilemma...everyday something will happen that makes me stop and wonder "couldn't there be an easier way?"...usually it's something small that won't cause me to lose sleep, but some days you get hit pretty hard.
i've always heard that God won't put you through more than you can handle. i have clung desperately to those words many many times in my life. finally, somewhere down the road i will be able to digest what happened and learn to live with it as something that made me a better person, made me stronger, made me wiser...something like that. but the question is, what am i doing between the time it happens and the time i finally get some answers?....freaking out. stressing out. and letting it consume my life.
as i've grown up, i've come to rely more and more on friends. i am learning to be honest in my feelings, to trust a person completely and to use conversation to grow and not to gossip. in having friends, i have learned how to be a better friend, a better leader, a better counselor and listener, a better comforter and supporter. and most importantly i have learned the beauty of forgiveness. i have learned that friends are only human too and we all screw up sometimes. but it isn't about who wronged the other person more, it is about how quick you are going to be able to reconcile your differences and how quickly you are going to realize that whether or not you like a person, by holding onto those feelings, you are weaving yourself into a bondage that will have a hold on you that will remain and will strengthen until you finally deal with that person.
it is so easy to push yourself away from a person when something goes wrong and to pick out every little thing that annoys you just to prove to yourself that you are justified in your feelings toward them...but you are only roping yourself into a corner that will trap you from any other true friendship.
i say this, because I have done it and i see it in other people everyday. tolerance. the mere "coping" with a person because you have no other choice, and it makes me so sad. as a younglife leader i go into Mason High School on a fairly regular basis. i go there to build relationships with kids who might not have any other true honest forgive them friends, who might never have seen what a godly relationship looks like. i walk through those doors and lay all stereotypes by the wayside, i have to lay all preconceived notions and pet peeves at the door because jesus didn't call me to love who i wanted to, he called me to love unconditionally and without relenting.
sometimes people screw up, people say things that they may regret later, or maybe they don't. people might treat you in a way you would never dream of treating another person. in those moments it is so easy to just write them off, pay them back, or tolerant them because "you're a good person" and you can't be the one with a problem, it's them. i am the kind of person, that if someone doesn't like me, it kills me. i want to know why and i want to change. so to think that i expect that forgiveness from everyone else, and then sometimes someone makes me mad and i can say "that's it"...how lame. really, how lame.
some days. life is hard. some days, people are crappy. some days...you are too. and to say that "i don't care, they can just deal with it. it's just how i am and it doesn't bother me if people don't like me." that's weak. that's selfish.
jesus gave these words:
"Finishing is better than starting. Patience is better than pride." (eccle 7:8)
don't let those bad days hold you prisoner forever. don't be the person that is too cool to forgive. don't forget that you are just as human as the person sitting next you. don't forget that no matter what happens here, we are living for a much better end than that. <3
Thursday, December 6, 2007
i can see what's happening...what? and they don't have a clue...who?
you know you're a college student when...
you eat BBQ pizza and coffee at 11:30 at night.
sick.
you eat BBQ pizza and coffee at 11:30 at night.
sick.
this is just lame.
ugghhhh...it is 3:30am and i am STILL up because i have an exam tomorrow in biology. not even a final, just a dang exam on the last day of class. who does that.
this is the latest i've stayed up all semester...it's weird. i get to a certain point where i just don't care anymore and i don't even feel tired. but then i remember i have to get up at 8:30 for a dang meeting....LAME!
but the cool thing is i have been downloading a sweet (new-age) worship playlist and it is making me so much happier. just listening to God's promises while i'm studying is making me keep everything in perspective and giving me the strength to keep going.
"in everything you do, work at it as though for the Lord."
...if you haven't heard of it Air 1 positive alternative is an amazing Christian radio station i've discovered this year. it plays all the new alternative Christian music that is just amazing...not lame. i promise. and it has NO COMMERCIALS! instead, it tells sweet news that actually matters or shares a cool verse to just keep you going. you can listen to a live stream online at air1.com or in East Lansing it is 95.3fm....
alright...this was a nice little study break. but back to work.
*if it asks for the definition of "gap genes" on my test i'm so writing..."the denim pants you can buy at the Gap"...that's gotta earn me half a point right?...
this is the latest i've stayed up all semester...it's weird. i get to a certain point where i just don't care anymore and i don't even feel tired. but then i remember i have to get up at 8:30 for a dang meeting....LAME!
but the cool thing is i have been downloading a sweet (new-age) worship playlist and it is making me so much happier. just listening to God's promises while i'm studying is making me keep everything in perspective and giving me the strength to keep going.
"in everything you do, work at it as though for the Lord."
...if you haven't heard of it Air 1 positive alternative is an amazing Christian radio station i've discovered this year. it plays all the new alternative Christian music that is just amazing...not lame. i promise. and it has NO COMMERCIALS! instead, it tells sweet news that actually matters or shares a cool verse to just keep you going. you can listen to a live stream online at air1.com or in East Lansing it is 95.3fm....
alright...this was a nice little study break. but back to work.
*if it asks for the definition of "gap genes" on my test i'm so writing..."the denim pants you can buy at the Gap"...that's gotta earn me half a point right?...
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
according to facebook...
so it just hit me how crazy this whole internet, connected over the web thing is. at this moment there are millions of people all around the world sitting at their computers doing countless things...and we are all connected. i was just looking at my buddy list and after the 5th time of checking everyone's away messages and making sure there was no catastrophes occurring i just realized how many more times i check everyone's away messages then i call a person.
now that facebook started their creepy stalker feed we are all "clued" in on each others lives so much faster. i just called my friend to "see if there was anything she wanted to tell me" because i had logged onto facebook and realized that she had changed her status to "in a relationship". i am a complete victim of this, but i still laugh at it. blogs, away messages, statuses, profiles....are we all really getting to know each other more? do we all really need to know when everyone is going to bed, or how often Joe is contemplating his life? how often do i find myself using some kind of information i have gathered off the internet in normal conversation with people.
"oh yeah, did you hear? they broke up...according to facebook!"
"oh, well she never told me that. but if it said it on facebook then it MUST be true!"
"yeah...and she had some depressing song lyrics as her away message. so it's gotta be bad."
"yeah...but that's lame, keep your relationship private! don't broadcast your emotions all over the place, that should be kept between her and him!"
....
"oh, by the way...did you happen to notice my new about me section? totally had to update it after last weekend."
...click click click....clickity clack....click click click...
always adding, updating and rearranging. it always seemed that the phone was too impersonal. if you had something important to tell a person then you would call to set up a time to meet in person. but now, if you check your inbox and see that you got a message from someone then your heart skips a beat and you wonder if your crush FINALLY messaged you to tell you all about his long time hidden love for you. i mean...how romantic to be won over online....tell me that wouldn't be an awkward first date?
annnnnyways...i don't mean to bash all of this, because i am totally guilty in all these regards. but i was just giving it some extra thought and i think i will try and challenge myself to call people more often instead of looking at their profile to try and read their thoughts. i mean after all, aren't we advertising ourselves online so that someone WILL take notice and want a deeper relationship?....hmmmm.....
now that facebook started their creepy stalker feed we are all "clued" in on each others lives so much faster. i just called my friend to "see if there was anything she wanted to tell me" because i had logged onto facebook and realized that she had changed her status to "in a relationship". i am a complete victim of this, but i still laugh at it. blogs, away messages, statuses, profiles....are we all really getting to know each other more? do we all really need to know when everyone is going to bed, or how often Joe is contemplating his life? how often do i find myself using some kind of information i have gathered off the internet in normal conversation with people.
"oh yeah, did you hear? they broke up...according to facebook!"
"oh, well she never told me that. but if it said it on facebook then it MUST be true!"
"yeah...and she had some depressing song lyrics as her away message. so it's gotta be bad."
"yeah...but that's lame, keep your relationship private! don't broadcast your emotions all over the place, that should be kept between her and him!"
....
"oh, by the way...did you happen to notice my new about me section? totally had to update it after last weekend."
...click click click....clickity clack....click click click...
always adding, updating and rearranging. it always seemed that the phone was too impersonal. if you had something important to tell a person then you would call to set up a time to meet in person. but now, if you check your inbox and see that you got a message from someone then your heart skips a beat and you wonder if your crush FINALLY messaged you to tell you all about his long time hidden love for you. i mean...how romantic to be won over online....tell me that wouldn't be an awkward first date?
annnnnyways...i don't mean to bash all of this, because i am totally guilty in all these regards. but i was just giving it some extra thought and i think i will try and challenge myself to call people more often instead of looking at their profile to try and read their thoughts. i mean after all, aren't we advertising ourselves online so that someone WILL take notice and want a deeper relationship?....hmmmm.....
Monday, December 3, 2007
o finals
wednesday is my first final of the semester. woo hoo.
this semester i have spent a lot of time reevaluating the ways i've been studying and spending my time and trying to get better at using my time more wisely. with so much on my plate it is especially important for me to do those things that are most important first. god has given us this time on earth to experience his creation however we choose. it's up to us to be good stewards of our time by leaving time to experience the richness of it all. by rushing from one thing to the next i am not only usually in a very bad mood, but the people watching me i'm sure can see that i am not the happiest person ever.
ever since 6th grade my dad has preached prioritizing to me. as long as i know what things are more important, say no to other things, and work at whatever i am doing with my whole heart i am doing all i can. if i am sitting up late at night and i could study for another hour or go to sleep and feel rested to the next day, choosing to sleep is okay, i don't have to feel guilty about it at all.
one of the hardest things for me to do is say no. often i find myself making decisions based on what i think will make those around me the happiest instead of what is truly best for myself. whether it is hanging out or not, going to mason, how i act, what i say, what i wear...all these are things are struggles for me. sometimes i feel like i will miss out on all the fun if i decide not to hang out with people, or i feel like i am a lousy leader if i decide not to go into mason on a certain day, or i feel like no one notices me if i can't make everyone in the room laugh. everyone has their own priorities and i have found that mine often clash with other peoples, but i am learning that that's okay, and it doesn't mean i have to bend to fit their agenda.
the thing about me, is i love affirmation. often times when i'm trying to make a decision and i tell my parents what it is, just hearing them say "we support that" puts all my worries at ease. in life i'm the same way. if i go to ask a teacher a question about something and they immediately look at me like i'm an idiot, then in my head i automatically decide i will redo whatever it is i'm showing them because they obviously don't approve. or if i can't do something with or for someone and instead of saying "oh, that's ok! we'll figure something else out" they say "oh...ok", i feel like a total jerk the rest of the day. i'm sure people don't think that the way they respond will have that big of an impact, but to me it does. i like to be reassured and i like knowing that i'm ok, and i'm doing good...
i think i about covered it. i hope to everyone who might be struggling with prioritizing and all the things that go along with it can find peace soon and know that it's not supposed to be perfect. as long as you and god have an understanding of the things that are most important in your life, then just know that he is heaven applauding you on each and every day.
he doesn't care how you get to him, just as long as you get there.
this semester i have spent a lot of time reevaluating the ways i've been studying and spending my time and trying to get better at using my time more wisely. with so much on my plate it is especially important for me to do those things that are most important first. god has given us this time on earth to experience his creation however we choose. it's up to us to be good stewards of our time by leaving time to experience the richness of it all. by rushing from one thing to the next i am not only usually in a very bad mood, but the people watching me i'm sure can see that i am not the happiest person ever.
ever since 6th grade my dad has preached prioritizing to me. as long as i know what things are more important, say no to other things, and work at whatever i am doing with my whole heart i am doing all i can. if i am sitting up late at night and i could study for another hour or go to sleep and feel rested to the next day, choosing to sleep is okay, i don't have to feel guilty about it at all.
one of the hardest things for me to do is say no. often i find myself making decisions based on what i think will make those around me the happiest instead of what is truly best for myself. whether it is hanging out or not, going to mason, how i act, what i say, what i wear...all these are things are struggles for me. sometimes i feel like i will miss out on all the fun if i decide not to hang out with people, or i feel like i am a lousy leader if i decide not to go into mason on a certain day, or i feel like no one notices me if i can't make everyone in the room laugh. everyone has their own priorities and i have found that mine often clash with other peoples, but i am learning that that's okay, and it doesn't mean i have to bend to fit their agenda.
the thing about me, is i love affirmation. often times when i'm trying to make a decision and i tell my parents what it is, just hearing them say "we support that" puts all my worries at ease. in life i'm the same way. if i go to ask a teacher a question about something and they immediately look at me like i'm an idiot, then in my head i automatically decide i will redo whatever it is i'm showing them because they obviously don't approve. or if i can't do something with or for someone and instead of saying "oh, that's ok! we'll figure something else out" they say "oh...ok", i feel like a total jerk the rest of the day. i'm sure people don't think that the way they respond will have that big of an impact, but to me it does. i like to be reassured and i like knowing that i'm ok, and i'm doing good...
i think i about covered it. i hope to everyone who might be struggling with prioritizing and all the things that go along with it can find peace soon and know that it's not supposed to be perfect. as long as you and god have an understanding of the things that are most important in your life, then just know that he is heaven applauding you on each and every day.
he doesn't care how you get to him, just as long as you get there.
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