she'll pretend that, she's somewhere else...about 2000 miles from here.

los angeles, california = 2,218 miles from lansing, mi

i was looking at plane tickets out to LA the other day. my dream school for physical therapy is Azusa Pacific University and they are having an open house on April 3rd that i would love to go to and see.

lately though it seems like plans just keep changing. i really have absolutely no idea where i will be in a year and a half. in life or in location. a lot can happen...a lot can change. one thing i am sure of though is that God has a plan. i went to a really great Bible study the other night and we started reading James 1 for what seems the bajillionth time, but there were plenty of things i am still finding new ways to look at.

the biggest thing i am trying to remember is that when you aren't really sure what's going to happen next, when you are just having an okay day...you don't have to be perky and happy. that's not what joy is about. being joyful is being honest with those around you and knowing that trials happen, but you have a God with a plan leading the way. taking heart in that promise and continuing on in your day holding strong to it is having joy. you don't have to hide your feelings but you must rejoice in the promises God has made you.

stand up by everyday sunday.

(Chorus)
I will stand up now, I will not step down.
I will do my best to wear this crown,
but I need You as You guide me through today.

You wake up out of bed, walk out of your castle,
and then you lift up your head.
When will you wake up
and see it takes more than just you to get through this life.
Going around the town, maybe someone had brought him down.
Different maybe, not the same, everyone thinks.

(Chorus)

He’s going out there now, and all the things he has found,
everything around is new.
No more holding back as the crowd looks from afar
Everything he has is You



*i love this song right now. it is so motivated and convicting.
this life takes more than i understand to get through. more than just me.
i need a God who will walk beside me and lead me through it.
a God who will show me the way and teach me the lessons i need.
a God who watches me fail, picks me up and helps me go on.
i choose Jesus.

hot n cold.

"you're hot than you're cold,
you're yes than you're no,
you're in than you're out,
you're up than you're down"

as much as i completely dislike, disapprove of and can't stand Katy Perry i couldn't seem to avoid her today.

i was watching my favorite tv show of all time One Tree Hill online trying to catch up, and the commercial breaks were always an advertisement for her cd, thus these song lyrics are now ringing in my ears.

but the more i have caught myself humming it tonight, the more i have thought through them and how they could possible relate to my life...and not all that surprising, i guess they do.

i feel like i have been wishy-washy lately. like i am starting to get kind of swept along, mindlessly performing daily tasks. one day i'm hot and ready to do it all and the next day i give up and sleep or watch One Tree Hill :)...but really...i am just realizing how far off the mark i am from the person i am striving to be...how often i think i am finally getting there and so i sit back and pat myself on the back, not realizing that while doing so i am sliding back to the place i started from. i can't get lazy, i can't get proud or self-righteous (although a little "me time" is merited once in a while ;) ask for details on that)...i need to continuously be reminding myself to keep my eyes set on the prize...i can't get off track.

send me on my way.

in the bitter cold that is Michigan right now, i can only think of Lake Michigan in the summer. looking down the beach and feeling completely free. feeling completely content. looking forward to endless possibilities.

it's funny how the winter brings out the worst in us. bitterness, depression, anger, feeling alone, hopelessness, discontent. the list goes on. having to scrape your cars every morning, slipping and falling, facing the frigid wind everyday, getting into car accidents. none of that sounds at all fun or enjoyable.

i'm not really sure how to prevent those things. every year i look forward to winter knowing these feelings are going to come. this point of the year is always the worst, as we are in the dead of things with summer feeling so far away. chores and assignments keep piling up as feelings of cabin fever cause us to get less and less done. new years resolutions crash and burn and we are left with a sense of "there has to be more, it has to get better than this"...

i try to find joy in all things, but it can be hard to find that in the winter. i'm not sure why God created this season and i know there are some people who love it...i mean, i do love a good sled run, but i could handle one day of snow to get my fix. i have to pray for strength everyday just to get myself out of my warm bed and into the cold air...i have to try to find motivation to get bundled up and walk outside against the wind. remind me again why i should stay in Michigan?

it can be hard to find the joy these days, but i know that God wants us to look hard and dig deep for it. he wants us to know that this is the day that he made and we should rejoice and be glad in it. someone has to live here. someone has to face the cold...but i must say, we are rewarded with some of the most beautiful summer days.