sometimes i don't really know what the heck i am doing.
i feel as though i try hard though.
i feel as though i have everyone's best interest in mind.
sometimes though i feel like i am letting everyone and their mom's down.
i feel as though my best isn't good enough for anyone.
i feel as though i am failing.
did i miss something?
was i supposed to make everyone happy all the time?
am i to blame for the confusion that is life?
sometimes i feels as though i am.
sometimes it feels like i am supposed to have it all together.
lucky for me...someone else does.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
i wish the world could write me a love song.
what would it be about?
would it be sweet and slow?
or fast and bold?
what would the world write to me?
would it be wild and strange?
or the simple chords of a refrain?
i believe there is love in the soul
of the earth.
it is writing to reach us,
touch every heart.
on us the plains of love it is
hoping to impart.
it isn't complex
love isn't just sex
it is more than we hope for
more than we can see.
the world writes while it waits
for our discovery.
am i crazy to hope it?
naive to wish it?
do i deserve a word of courage
or a painful lament?
is it wrong to look harder
and deeper into sounds and
words and hurts and people
and lives?
to much to try?
useless to cry?
sitting silent and still
whispering words carefully chosen
the world waits for me.
it calls out to me.
it hopes for me, prays for me,
shares each of it's days with me.
is it so wrong?
to ask - to pray.
i hope the the world writes a song.
a love song each day.
would it be sweet and slow?
or fast and bold?
what would the world write to me?
would it be wild and strange?
or the simple chords of a refrain?
i believe there is love in the soul
of the earth.
it is writing to reach us,
touch every heart.
on us the plains of love it is
hoping to impart.
it isn't complex
love isn't just sex
it is more than we hope for
more than we can see.
the world writes while it waits
for our discovery.
am i crazy to hope it?
naive to wish it?
do i deserve a word of courage
or a painful lament?
is it wrong to look harder
and deeper into sounds and
words and hurts and people
and lives?
to much to try?
useless to cry?
sitting silent and still
whispering words carefully chosen
the world waits for me.
it calls out to me.
it hopes for me, prays for me,
shares each of it's days with me.
is it so wrong?
to ask - to pray.
i hope the the world writes a song.
a love song each day.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
everybody is a wild thing at heart.
this article is great.
i still haven't seen the movie - i am planning on seeing it this weekend, but i am so pumped! it's so funny how true this article is though...we are all wild things at heart. we can all resonate with the book and it is totally our generation...
recently i also read an article in the State News about how our generation is super into being emo. with music, with art, with our facebook/twitter statuses...a lot of the older generations believe that we are so fascinated with pain and sorrow because our generation has not yet truly experienced what it means. we have this misconception that to be real art it has to have pain imbedded in it...while those people who have actually lived through sorrow are usually trying to forget about it and surrounded themselves with the happier things of life and not just wallow in their misery...
i see the point of the articles. i think it's true. sometimes i wonder if we are just being too hard one ourselves though...
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
quicksand.
i don't get things that happen.
and i think a lot of the trouble i have with understanding why things happen to people is because i am looking in from the outside and often times don't have the whole story.
but sometimes i see people and what they are doing and who they are and who they are in relationships with and it all seems so perfect and cool and even thought i don't know all that is going on in that person's life i envy them and i feel like they are what i should strive to become...
then suddenly...their relationship is over. that perfect relationship. and so then i wonder, oh, well if THEIR relationship ended, then how will mine stand a chance? or they admit their flaws and i think, well if they are feeling guilt for THAT, then there must be something wrong with me for not feeling all that bad about myself...
and at this point i find myself thinking there are two solutions:
1. i can let go and give up on all that i have in my life, because chances are they will all probably fail anyways, so what's the point.
or
2. i can hit myself for even considering option 1 and realize that if i am continuing to compare myself to other people, no matter how perfect they seem, eventually that image will be shattered. and if my life is hanging in the balance then i will never be satisfied. the only perfect and worthy person/god i should be comparing myself to is the Lord...it is to live and love like Him that should be my goal. because he will NEVER change. he will NEVER fail. and he is someone i can very much get to know intimately...someone who will encourage me to follow.
and i think a lot of the trouble i have with understanding why things happen to people is because i am looking in from the outside and often times don't have the whole story.
but sometimes i see people and what they are doing and who they are and who they are in relationships with and it all seems so perfect and cool and even thought i don't know all that is going on in that person's life i envy them and i feel like they are what i should strive to become...
then suddenly...their relationship is over. that perfect relationship. and so then i wonder, oh, well if THEIR relationship ended, then how will mine stand a chance? or they admit their flaws and i think, well if they are feeling guilt for THAT, then there must be something wrong with me for not feeling all that bad about myself...
and at this point i find myself thinking there are two solutions:
1. i can let go and give up on all that i have in my life, because chances are they will all probably fail anyways, so what's the point.
or
2. i can hit myself for even considering option 1 and realize that if i am continuing to compare myself to other people, no matter how perfect they seem, eventually that image will be shattered. and if my life is hanging in the balance then i will never be satisfied. the only perfect and worthy person/god i should be comparing myself to is the Lord...it is to live and love like Him that should be my goal. because he will NEVER change. he will NEVER fail. and he is someone i can very much get to know intimately...someone who will encourage me to follow.
Monday, October 19, 2009
changing.
because i can't make my own art to describe my thoughts and my feelings, i use other peoples.
:)
:)
Sunday, October 18, 2009
how great is your love.
i have been thinking a lot lately about how blessed i am.
how i have been blessed to keep such a strong faith throughout my life.
i have realized that never once have i questioned God; though i have plenty of times questioned what he is doing. and for that i am extremely thankful.
this not to say that i haven't faced hardship. trials. confusion. temptation.
this not to say that i have never failed.
lately i have been wondering why some people have to go through bouts of question. why some people don't. and what each of our roles are in the grand scheme of God's plan.
why is it that i can know for certain that whatever transpires in my life, i will be ok. i will be loved. i have eternity to look forward to. and why is it that some people don't? even those who have followed God just as long as i have. even those who are just as strong in their faith.
as Christians we are called to hold each other accountable to the faith we profess.
as a leader of high school students, it can be easy to tell the truths of the Word to 16 year olds, because they look up to me and they believe that what i am telling them is truth. but what do you say so someone your own age who has just as much knowledge of the scriptures? what happens when people know. they know. they know.
i get mad. and frustrated. and confused about things that happen in my life. but i know that without God and knowing that there is a better end for me than i could ever imagine or hope for is what reassures me.
what happens when things happen beyond your control?
what i have found is this. our greatest worries and our biggest fears are due to the fact that we can guarantee nothing here on Earth.
the concerns we have and the frustrations we feel are due to our desire to feel the best that we can as humans. we have faith in the end and we know where we are going. but our doubt and our emotion here on Earth are exactly what God uses to help us to realize how much better his lot for us is in heaven.
should we feel complete happiness, should we feel complete security, should we feel great ease of mind - those pearly gates wouldn't shine so bright.
the desire we have in our heart for love, for peace, for bad things to stop happening and for the world to make sense are our desires for God, but we try to find God in the wrong places. in love, in happiness, in a world that we can understand.
reassurances of love, of hope and of a future will not satisfy our desire. it will not sooth our soul. they are not what we want. because we know that they will not be fulfilled by anything here. we know. we know. we know this.
..."But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself? This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God...But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well."
luke 12:22-31
how i have been blessed to keep such a strong faith throughout my life.
i have realized that never once have i questioned God; though i have plenty of times questioned what he is doing. and for that i am extremely thankful.
this not to say that i haven't faced hardship. trials. confusion. temptation.
this not to say that i have never failed.
lately i have been wondering why some people have to go through bouts of question. why some people don't. and what each of our roles are in the grand scheme of God's plan.
why is it that i can know for certain that whatever transpires in my life, i will be ok. i will be loved. i have eternity to look forward to. and why is it that some people don't? even those who have followed God just as long as i have. even those who are just as strong in their faith.
as Christians we are called to hold each other accountable to the faith we profess.
as a leader of high school students, it can be easy to tell the truths of the Word to 16 year olds, because they look up to me and they believe that what i am telling them is truth. but what do you say so someone your own age who has just as much knowledge of the scriptures? what happens when people know. they know. they know.
i get mad. and frustrated. and confused about things that happen in my life. but i know that without God and knowing that there is a better end for me than i could ever imagine or hope for is what reassures me.
what happens when things happen beyond your control?
what i have found is this. our greatest worries and our biggest fears are due to the fact that we can guarantee nothing here on Earth.
the concerns we have and the frustrations we feel are due to our desire to feel the best that we can as humans. we have faith in the end and we know where we are going. but our doubt and our emotion here on Earth are exactly what God uses to help us to realize how much better his lot for us is in heaven.
should we feel complete happiness, should we feel complete security, should we feel great ease of mind - those pearly gates wouldn't shine so bright.
the desire we have in our heart for love, for peace, for bad things to stop happening and for the world to make sense are our desires for God, but we try to find God in the wrong places. in love, in happiness, in a world that we can understand.
reassurances of love, of hope and of a future will not satisfy our desire. it will not sooth our soul. they are not what we want. because we know that they will not be fulfilled by anything here. we know. we know. we know this.
..."But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself? This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God...But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well."
luke 12:22-31
Friday, October 2, 2009
we are peculiar people this i know.
i am officially applied to physical therapy schools all across the country!
yikes.
it's a weird feeling applying this time. when i applied to MSU it was so normal and i didn't think twice about whether or not i would get in. but now i am used to the fact that most likely i will not be getting in anywhere this year, but that i will have a whole year of possibilities before i reapply and begin the year after...
i am not in the least bit scared about my future right now. and that is awesome! i am so so excited. being so sure that God has a plan for me and that it will be better for me than i can ever imagine is the greatest comfort i could ever have.
i am just so ready to have something to do full time. i do not work well at all when i am devoted my whole self to lots of different activities. i like to think i am good at it, but the thought that i could be going to school full time and that be all is just awesome...
i love to be able to concentrate and succeed. i hate when everything i am doing is so so. it makes me feel like i am failing, like i can't handle things. and i hate that feeling.
i am hopeful for the future and prayerful for the present. i pray that i can be fully present in those things i am wrapping up right now and know that whatever lies ahead is for my good.
plans to give me hope and future. <3
yikes.
it's a weird feeling applying this time. when i applied to MSU it was so normal and i didn't think twice about whether or not i would get in. but now i am used to the fact that most likely i will not be getting in anywhere this year, but that i will have a whole year of possibilities before i reapply and begin the year after...
i am not in the least bit scared about my future right now. and that is awesome! i am so so excited. being so sure that God has a plan for me and that it will be better for me than i can ever imagine is the greatest comfort i could ever have.
i am just so ready to have something to do full time. i do not work well at all when i am devoted my whole self to lots of different activities. i like to think i am good at it, but the thought that i could be going to school full time and that be all is just awesome...
i love to be able to concentrate and succeed. i hate when everything i am doing is so so. it makes me feel like i am failing, like i can't handle things. and i hate that feeling.
i am hopeful for the future and prayerful for the present. i pray that i can be fully present in those things i am wrapping up right now and know that whatever lies ahead is for my good.
plans to give me hope and future. <3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)