passive me, aggressive you.

it would seem that the longer you look for something the chances that you find it will grow, but it seems to be that the longer you look, the better it hides.

a few close friends and i have been getting together every wednesday the last few weeks and one of the things we have been talking a lot about is navigating this 20-something, endless transition period of life. it seems everyone's transition looks a little different and no one really has the advice that anyone else needs. we are each trying to find our niche. to feel needed, desired and appreciated.

it's a time when words hit harder, frustrations pile up and questions go unanswered. if you try to hard to figure it out you get overwhelmed and breakdown. if you just let things go and roll off your back you are pegged as apathetic or lazy, choosing to ignore seemlingly vital choices that stare you down.

at this point, it seems like i have worn out all my options. my only option is and has always been to look to the Lord. to search my heart for the gifts he has given me and grow the desires instilled in me. but knowing those things doesn't make it much easier. i believe that the Lord wants me to realize true joy, and rediscover a zest for life. to see the beauty in everyday, to steal a moment for myself to reflect on and remember that he is near. to know that he is working hard behind the scenes.

no, i don't have any answers. i guess it is more just a reminder to myself to keep trying. it doesn't feel any easier. i still don't know what to choose in any of this. i don't know where each day is taking me. i feel peace, but i also feel frustration, wanting to be used even more. wanting to be pursued more. wanting to know His will. there is no easy answer. only to keep searching.

environmental conditioning.

many would say that the situations we are in are widely not of our own doing, but due to chance and circumstance. who we were born to, how we were raised and the overall trajectory of our lives seem to have a sort of predestination associated with them.

however, where does biology end and choice begin? my aunt talked to me about "environmental conditioning" and the fact that it plays a large role in how we grow and mature. we can lose ourselves to the situations surrounding us or we can choose to rise above. what i'd like to call "hustle".

with knowledge and understanding. discernment and wisdom. we are able to rise above and use our lives for good and for better. we are who we are, but we are also meant for so much more. at bible study, we talked about a dimming switch on a light. how many of us have only just barely turned our lives on. how much brighter we have the potential to shine, if we would only realize it. if we would only make it happen.

to be or not to be. is our choice.

soldier on.

if we continue to fight the good fight. we cannot lose.
as surely as the sun rises, so God shows us grace every morning.

while this may not be biblical. i have a weak spot for Muhammad Ali and Parkinsens Disease.
should we all choose to harness this same confidence and belief in ourselves and what we are capable of accomplishing...WITH the Lord. what more should we need?