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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

believe in me.

every once in a while you second guess decisions.
my problem is that i over think every single thing i do. it results in a very stressful existence. i finished up my exams today and am now officially on christmas break, but i can't help just feeling anxious.

this is my first break pretty much since last christmas break. i don't count this summer as a break because i was working three jobs and constantly rushing from one thing to the next. my life was chaos and it was not fun at all. i developed this constant feeling in the pit of my stomach that was just a mix between nausea and butterflies. it was terrible. the times i did have to just sit and read or watch a movie, the whole time i would be racking through my brain for everything i still had to do or what i would be doing the next day. i could never enjoy myself, and i feel like it just made my personality go down the tubes. i became this tired, worrying, overly protective/sarcastic person that just was no fun to be around. i feel like it could have been a situation i used to grow closer to God and look to him for comfort and calm...but i feel like more often than not i just keep pushing and running to the next thing.

so here i am finally faced with a potential 3 weeks worth of doing absolutely NOTHING. yeah, i am going to work in the lab for break, but nothing too serious. i am just excited to sift through life and everything that has been happening in the last year to see what i've been though, decisions i've made, places i've grown, places that have gotten worse...and just to praise God for everything and draw near to him for relief, comfort, wisdom and insight into this crazy thing i call life.

i'm excited to rekindle and deepen friendship and to spend some quality time with my parents and siblings...and my dog. i'm excited to just go for walks, read books, watch movies, have some long deep talks and some good food.

God knows just when we need breaks...he knows just how far to push us.

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