o finals

wednesday is my first final of the semester. woo hoo.
this semester i have spent a lot of time reevaluating the ways i've been studying and spending my time and trying to get better at using my time more wisely. with so much on my plate it is especially important for me to do those things that are most important first. god has given us this time on earth to experience his creation however we choose. it's up to us to be good stewards of our time by leaving time to experience the richness of it all. by rushing from one thing to the next i am not only usually in a very bad mood, but the people watching me i'm sure can see that i am not the happiest person ever.

ever since 6th grade my dad has preached prioritizing to me. as long as i know what things are more important, say no to other things, and work at whatever i am doing with my whole heart i am doing all i can. if i am sitting up late at night and i could study for another hour or go to sleep and feel rested to the next day, choosing to sleep is okay, i don't have to feel guilty about it at all.

one of the hardest things for me to do is say no. often i find myself making decisions based on what i think will make those around me the happiest instead of what is truly best for myself. whether it is hanging out or not, going to mason, how i act, what i say, what i wear...all these are things are struggles for me. sometimes i feel like i will miss out on all the fun if i decide not to hang out with people, or i feel like i am a lousy leader if i decide not to go into mason on a certain day, or i feel like no one notices me if i can't make everyone in the room laugh. everyone has their own priorities and i have found that mine often clash with other peoples, but i am learning that that's okay, and it doesn't mean i have to bend to fit their agenda.

the thing about me, is i love affirmation. often times when i'm trying to make a decision and i tell my parents what it is, just hearing them say "we support that" puts all my worries at ease. in life i'm the same way. if i go to ask a teacher a question about something and they immediately look at me like i'm an idiot, then in my head i automatically decide i will redo whatever it is i'm showing them because they obviously don't approve. or if i can't do something with or for someone and instead of saying "oh, that's ok! we'll figure something else out" they say "oh...ok", i feel like a total jerk the rest of the day. i'm sure people don't think that the way they respond will have that big of an impact, but to me it does. i like to be reassured and i like knowing that i'm ok, and i'm doing good...

i think i about covered it. i hope to everyone who might be struggling with prioritizing and all the things that go along with it can find peace soon and know that it's not supposed to be perfect. as long as you and god have an understanding of the things that are most important in your life, then just know that he is heaven applauding you on each and every day.

he doesn't care how you get to him, just as long as you get there.