guts.

just got back from an AMAZING weekend in grand rapids with kel, tiff, brooke, alys, and rach. i seriously love those girls so much and the time i get to spend with them is so fun always...those girls were just so receptive to me right from the first time i met them and were just like true friends that it took forever to meet! it's so crazy how God places people like that in your life.

its funny how every time girls get together though we always talk about EVERRRRYTHING in life and start to analyze it to death...its so fun! but then when i leave and am on my own it makes me think and think and think....

my past just seems to keep on recurring. it has been so long and i feel so good some days, but some days i know that i am not and really haven't been over it ever, although it has gotten easier. kelly said it best: "Dilyn, this is your LIFE. Like seriously...this is it. You only live once."

sometimes i feel like it's too late....like it passed and i just have to let it go...like people move on and are satisfied and happy again. but sometimes i think they havent and they are just settling for what they can get. i know i do that. but its not what i want. its been a long road. trying to figure out if i want things just because i know i cant have them anymore...but after you put your whole heart into something you cant just stop thinking about it....but really. years? i dont know...

i could just be ok with it. i could just accept it and move on. but i cant and i know i wont forgive myself for doing that. i have to step in. i have to say what i feel and know that God will guide my path the way he wants to. that God will help me do his will and he will remain faithful to me even if i doubt that in other people. its scary...but really...this is LIFE, if i say what i feel now, than when? it might be too late....

never let go of something you cant imagine life without. never doubt your feelings. but also know when its ok to move on.