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Friday, June 19, 2009

worth the fight.

i have been thinking a lot lately about picking battles. about being too complacent vs. being over-bearing.

i have always been the kind of person who tries to avoid confrontation as much as possible. i am definitely getting better at it, but there is still room to improve. the thing is though- that my lack of confrontation is not necessarily due to the fact that i am scared or don't know what to say. in most cases it is just not worth it to me- i probably feel like there is a better way to handle the situation, but i haven't figured it out yet so i am going to wait to act until i feel like i have thoroughly exhausted other options.

i think there is a big difference between being complacent and quietly going about things. i am not the loudest person, so i won't win a yelling match. i am not the most knowledgeable person, so i won't try to out outsmart you. but i do believe i have gotten pretty good at patience and just being still and waiting. i care deeply and i desire the best in my relationships with people- i think i just come off with a "whatever" kind of attitude though.

i am not a debater, i am not a side taker. i just like to listen. to grow through conversation and seeing into people's lives. i believe that honesty does not always have to do with speaking aloud, i think it is rooted in how well you can listen too. honesty is measured in not only how much you tell, but in how free you feel. it is rooted in honor- in how much dignity you can uphold, in yourself and in those you are working with.

how can you be sincere if you have not taken time to listen? how can you be truthful if you do not understand the other side?

i am not just sitting around uninterested in all matters and trying to keep myself as distanced from confrontation as possible. i am listening, praying, formulating ideas and strategies. i want the best possible option. i want to be straightforward and sincere, but i also want to be free from guilt.

yeah, we are human. there is never perfection. sometimes you do have to lay it out on the line. but what is the cost? and how do you then go about rebuilding after the fall?

"Timothy, my son, I give you this instruction in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by following them you may fight the good fight, holding on to faith and a good conscience. Some have rejected these and so have shipwrecked their faith."
1 Timothy 1:18-19

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