quicksand.

i don't get things that happen.
and i think a lot of the trouble i have with understanding why things happen to people is because i am looking in from the outside and often times don't have the whole story.

but sometimes i see people and what they are doing and who they are and who they are in relationships with and it all seems so perfect and cool and even thought i don't know all that is going on in that person's life i envy them and i feel like they are what i should strive to become...

then suddenly...their relationship is over. that perfect relationship. and so then i wonder, oh, well if THEIR relationship ended, then how will mine stand a chance? or they admit their flaws and i think, well if they are feeling guilt for THAT, then there must be something wrong with me for not feeling all that bad about myself...

and at this point i find myself thinking there are two solutions:
1. i can let go and give up on all that i have in my life, because chances are they will all probably fail anyways, so what's the point.

or

2. i can hit myself for even considering option 1 and realize that if i am continuing to compare myself to other people, no matter how perfect they seem, eventually that image will be shattered. and if my life is hanging in the balance then i will never be satisfied. the only perfect and worthy person/god i should be comparing myself to is the Lord...it is to live and love like Him that should be my goal. because he will NEVER change. he will NEVER fail. and he is someone i can very much get to know intimately...someone who will encourage me to follow.