sha sha.

one of my biggest struggles is saying: "if..." or "when..." or "soon..."

i will let myself start to believe that the life i am living right now is not the life i am supposed to be living and that things will be right if, when or soon...
as if the stars are going to magically align and THEN all the mistakes i make, the relationships i suck at and the time i waste will be no more.

how do i learn to love myself at this moment? to believe that what i am doing now does matter? how can these moments of struggle point to redemption? i know they do. i know the Lord uses it all for his plan and purpose. that what i am doing now will lead me to "later"...

i think the biggest problem with living in an "if, when, soon" world is that you think "someday" is coming...but the miscalculation is that "someday" will be here on earth. i realize now that this day i dream for is when i am perfected by grace in the arms of my Savior, sitting in Heaven praising his name.

so instead of ending my sentences believing everything will fall into place here. i need to live for the "when i get to heaven" and "soon Jesus will save the earth" and wonder "if i am ready to face Him"...those are the important questions. the eternal ones.

live for Jesus. live in peace. <3