who am i? part I

how many testimonies do we hear that are just a list of all the bad things in life and then *poof* then i met Jesus and my life is amazing now! everytime i hear one of those i think two things:

1) how magical.
2) really? because being a christian seems like a way harder person to be than not.

what i do know is that there are two kinds of christians, the slow growers and the born again crazies. i feel like my christian walk is comparable to a SIN function constantly going up and down and really not looking to be making much progress, while people who experience that one turning point are on this exponential curve up towards heaven. i think to myself, "Hey! I've been working at this longer and harder than you! What the frick!" and then i pray for forgiveness that i don't get smitted for thinking those thoughts...

i feel like when giving a testimony it can just become this long laundry list of all the crappy things that have happened in your life and when you are done and people are patting you on the back and are telling you they will be praying for you, you realize your life is not as bad as it just sounded. it's frustrating trying to talk about your life because it can feel like it won't be good enough if it doesn't have heartache and turmoil woven into every other sentence.

i have come to believe though, that the beauty of a testimony is not hearing the process, but realizing that God knows this person so freaking well that he knew exactly what kinds of hardships and emotions this person needed to experience and feel to become the person speaking now before us. he knew that this was the best way for him to reveal his glory and majesty to the world, not by writing letters in the sky, but by impacting each one of our lives in his own way!

so yeah - there might be two sides to the saving story. but in reality, we all know it's not a one time deal. being saved is a life-process we go through of changing the way we see things. shifting our focus off what we see and understanding how God is viewing things. we are not magically transformed, but given an opportunity to trust that God is always doing that for us!

<3