roll away your stone.

if there is anything i have learned in the last year it is this.
nothing is clear. nothing is certain.
we are sinners making choices to the best of our ability.
we screw up. we suck.

it is this give and take game that we choose to participate in each day.
some days we win, some days we lose.
some days, you forget you are playing - and then BAM, a not so gentle reminder.

there were glimpses this last year of pure joy.
the sun kissing my face early in the morning as i drive.
waves gently rolling in at the beach at dusk, reminding me that mercies begin again tomorrow.
smiling, knowing that i am blessed, loved and awesome.

there have been days i feel like an L7 weenie.
like i keep messing up, i keep treating people bad.
i have lied, i have been rude, i have hated.
things can get ugly real fast.

so often, it feels like a weight heavy on my shoulders,
like the success of each day depends on me.
like i have the power to make it or break it.
i guess i do - to an extent.
but i have learned it is not about what i do,
it is about how i respond.

quick to anger, indifference or frustration?
never ends well.
slow to react, think the best, pray?
it may still end bad, but i can find good in the midst.

us girls, we over-think everything.
the jury is still out as to whether this is mostly helpful, or mostly just unnecessary.
but bottom-line. i will never know the absolute best thing.
i will make decisions in complete confidence,
only to wake up and feel like i royally screwed up.

the trick now, is not to feel like i need to hide the fact that i feel like a failure most days.
it is to seek constant grace. remove the shadows from my life and allow the goodness of the Lord to penetrate all corners. where there are no shadows, there can only be growth in the Light.

so.
with 1 year behind me.
i step forward into another year.
thankful for grace enough.
hopeful for blessings.
rejoicing always, praying continually.
for these are the days that the Lord has made.
be glad.