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Tuesday, January 22, 2008

all of this is more than i've ever known or seen.

nerves are lame.
i have this problem you see. i get really really nervous at the worst times possible. sometimes i get nervous when i'm not even really nervous. so i guess that doesn't seem bad, but the fact that i am nervous can be overlooked, until i tell you that my body reacts violently to nerves. haha....let me explain:

situation A: whenever i like someone, like reeeeeally have a crush. every time i see them my heart stops. (awww)...and then my face turns bright red. like tomato soup red. like "dilyn are you choking?" red. that is just one thing you can't do anything about either. and then my tongue like sticks to the roof of my mouth and all the cool things i had thought of to say are out the window. so i just sit there smiling with a bright red face looking like a complete fool. it's SOOOO frustrating!!! haha...i just want to play it cool, talk to them normally. but no....nerves.

situation B: i really hate heights. but i wish i didn't. i always tell myself that i'm not afraid of heights, but then when faced with the situation i panic. when i am about to get onto a ropes course i act like everything is cool...but really, there is a war raging inside. when i am in line for a roller coaster...i WISH i loved roller coasters. but i don't. i reach the verge of tears every time i am line for a roller coaster. i don't know why...i never had a bad experience. but i just get so worked up. but then as soon as i get off of it i have this rush of adrenaline and am SOOOOO excited that i just did that. i mean, i know i will feel like that when i get off...but i just can NOT get on willingly. it sucks. i just want to enjoy it you know. nerves...

situation C: i have prepared for a test for weeks and i am so ready to take it. then i sit down, look at problem 1...and completely blank out. sometime between high school and college i became the world's worst test taker. i'm not really sure how it happened...but i am just so bad at concentrating all the way through tests now. i might completely know the material...but while im taking it all i can think the whole way through is "asdflkjen slksdf osudfjen sdfkjas dfoi jslsdfkjf."....seriously...nothing i think makes any sense and i trick myself into second guessing everything...NERVES.

they suck...they suck. that's all i can say.
i just wish i didn't care sometimes...i wish i knew how to clear my head in these situations. i wish i didn't freak out about things that are supposed to be fun. i wonder what God was thinking when he gave us nerves? and i wonder when God felt nervous? it's actually pretty cool to think about. i feel these things for a reason. and someday i will understand why....


  1. so since you're afraid of heights, is it tough being taller* than me?


  2. the hole hights thing is just like me. people have to force me on roller coasters and the ropes corce. its crazy! i know how you feel!

  3. you have a blog?!?! haha sweet! im going to read it all the time now and comment! screw nerves!