more than ever, i need to feel you.

it is getting to that point when the whole knee thing is just getting old. everyday i have to get rides everywhere i want to go...i still can't drive, but my knee is getting better everyday which i am sure has caused people to wonder why i can't just start walking again...

it's frustrating because with this surgery there comes a point now and then again about every week from here until august when i will think i'm fine and ready to play basketball again...ready to do what i want and not give second thought to a bum knee. but that's not the case. they say my ACL won't be 100% adapted to my body for about a year, but they have gotten the rehab down so most people come back to full contact activities by about 4-5 months. i just remember before, i will be about 3 months along and i feel completely 100% but the doctor and the therapists keep saying, no no no...not yet. just wait. keeping waiting...

i feel like a burden this time with needing rides everywhere and everyone else having 50 million things they have to do themselves...i am getting anxious about this summer because i'm not sure what i'm going to do anymore. i could go up north to work for th summer...that was the original plan, but now i don't know if i will be able to because of physical therapy and not having a car. i'm also just having second thoughts about potentially being gone for the whole summer, but at the same time i really really reallllllly want to go up there!!! like...really....

i met with an adviser this morning and it just got me thinking about oh so many things. i am nervous about my future, and i just have to keep reminding myself that God has me in the palm of his hand and no matter if i think i am failing my own plans i am taking steps closer to God's. i pray everyday that God teaches me to just relax and let go, because every time i start to try and figure out the next 4 years of my life on my own i start getting worked up and stressed out...which doesn't help anything. i am just nervous i am missing the point, but i can only pray that God opens my eyes to his promises and purposes.

<3