in your eyes.

what am i in your eyes?

since i was little i loved looking in the mirror and posing. i think all little girls like seeing themselves dressed up and looking good. ok- so i still do that.

but really...i think we are so fascinated at looking at ourselves because we constantly wonder how we appear in the eyes of others. what do we want others to see when we look at us? what do we come off as?

i once got into one of those crazy conversations that starts off normal and ends up being about the most random of things. this one ended in talking about if blue is really "blue" to everyone. like maybe we all call the same things blue, but it is a different color in everyone's eyes. do i look the same to everyone? no...

my parents see me differently than my friends, who see me differently than my boyfriend, who sees me differently than my younglife girls, who see me differently than my bosses, who see me differently than my classmates, who see me differently than God...

it's not because i act like a different person in all those situations...i mean, to a certain extent...but it is because each of those people have a different lens through which they view me...a different set of standards they are judging me by...

so now...you tell me who i should be living the most for. God. yes...but here on Earth. whose opinion matters the most? which lens should i most work towards looking the best in? do any of them matter after God?

i just wonder what people think of me. am i up to par in their eyes? what are my weaknesses that people are just too afraid to tell me about? what am i doing great that no one ever commends me for? what are people saying that i am just not hearing? how do i view different people?

i like to think that i am trying to view people through the same lens that God uses. i like to think that i give everyone a fair shot at being themselves and finding love from me anyways. heck- i like to think that i judge just the same that God does...ha. right dilyn...

i hope that when i leave college. when i am done being a younglife leader. when i am totally independent of my parents. when my friends move away. i would like to think that they will remember me in the best way possible. i would like to think that i have done something right in every arena of my life.

but i think the greatest thing i could hope for, is that when i get to heaven God puts his hand on my shoulder and says "you have done well in accomplishing what is right in my eyes" (2 Kings 10:30)