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Monday, August 2, 2010

my one.

what is it that you want?
how do you figure it out?
is there ever time to know for sure?
when can you decide to do things for yourself and shed all remnants of "responsibility"?
how do you reignite your soul?
how do you not only find your passions but make then tangible?
are those things that make you happy really just fleeting, or can you cling to them a little bit?

the more days that pass, the more questions form. we reminisce about the childhood days when we were oblivious of anything except climbing trees, making forts and staying up a little bit later. "the good old days" - as if all our life is sucked away as soon we really begin to realize that school is actually not fun at all.

how do you convince yourself that life really doesn't have "hard days", it is just in fact the very nature of life? to keep a joyful spirit without thinking ominously of what could possible happen soon to ruin all your good mood. why does so much thought have to go into convincing ourselves and others that we are "okay" and it isn't the end of the world? it's like we know those things, but we need a constant stream of reminders.

more and more i see commercials for depression, anxiety...and even an "anti-chaffing" rub. come on people, we all know there is an easy solution for your inner thighs whether you care to admit it or not...
it is as if the state of being human is just a disease waiting to be cured...

but wait. what's that? is this in fact the very definition of being a human? a disease waiting to be cured? with the Lord Jesus as our antibiotic? oh great...another metaphor of life and of Christ. thanks for the obvious...

what is it about our nature that requires constant repetition of truth? is our brain just one big loop that cycles through over and over again? how vain an existence just knowing that we are going to ask the same questions on a daily basis. how scary.

and so - in such a loop. what are we to do in the meantime that is life? i want to realize my capabilities and stop at nothing until i reach them. i want to use my days to question myself and push myself a little further. there are moments of frustration when you realize the limitations that the world can put on us...namely money. and it is time for me to get a little more creative in figuring out how to keep myself geared up for life and ready to take any opportunity that comes my way. i want to step into the Jordan and see what parts in front of me, not just stand on the banks and pray fervently for a miracle.

tomorrow i'm sure i will ask myself again what this looks like. and i feel like i won't know until hindsight kicks in, but at least i will be able to look back and see...that i did it.

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