it would seem that the longer you look for something the chances that you find it will grow, but it seems to be that the longer you look, the better it hides.
a few close friends and i have been getting together every wednesday the last few weeks and one of the things we have been talking a lot about is navigating this 20-something, endless transition period of life. it seems everyone's transition looks a little different and no one really has the advice that anyone else needs. we are each trying to find our niche. to feel needed, desired and appreciated.
it's a time when words hit harder, frustrations pile up and questions go unanswered. if you try to hard to figure it out you get overwhelmed and breakdown. if you just let things go and roll off your back you are pegged as apathetic or lazy, choosing to ignore seemlingly vital choices that stare you down.
at this point, it seems like i have worn out all my options. my only option is and has always been to look to the Lord. to search my heart for the gifts he has given me and grow the desires instilled in me. but knowing those things doesn't make it much easier. i believe that the Lord wants me to realize true joy, and rediscover a zest for life. to see the beauty in everyday, to steal a moment for myself to reflect on and remember that he is near. to know that he is working hard behind the scenes.
no, i don't have any answers. i guess it is more just a reminder to myself to keep trying. it doesn't feel any easier. i still don't know what to choose in any of this. i don't know where each day is taking me. i feel peace, but i also feel frustration, wanting to be used even more. wanting to be pursued more. wanting to know His will. there is no easy answer. only to keep searching.
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