what means the most.

i just went home today for a few hours to do my little sisters hair for her high school dance and have an amazing home cooked steak and potatoes dinner a la me padre. i love going home. but it's so weird how new routines soon become normalcy. ive been away at college for over a year and a half now. at dinner i talked me my parents about my plans to go up north to work for the summer at Sleeping Bear and they were all for it, no reservations. afterwards i was talking to my littlest sister (she just turned 11) and asked her what she would think of me being gone the whole summer....a lot of my hesitation has come from being away from my family for such a long period. part of me feels like ive unintentionally abandoned my siblings since im the oldest. like i broke up the family routine....but when i asked if she would miss me instead of the usually fake sob, so just shrugged her shoulders. she said it was kind of normal now, me being gone and that was okay, she understood...and it stinks sometimes. but it's normal.

when i grew up my family did everything together all the time. my mom never worked and was at home with us always, and since my dad was a teacher he would always be home when we were. we would travel as a family to his basketball games...i remember reading books to my siblings on the car rides to the away games. at one point i shared a room with my brother and sister and either i or my dad would read them to sleep every night...once i brought harry potter home to read in 5th grade, dad got kicked out of the circle, i brought the goods ;-)...

but now, for my littlest sister...life isnt like that. while i feel like im missing out on watching her grow up. she doesnt know any different. i should have know though. i should have realized that she would be fine. she is completely different than i ever was...she has grown up on video games, which i never had. she got to watch pg13 movies when she was like 7. she hates sports and acts like a maniac, both of which i was the complete opposite of. she is the youngest and when she is my age she'll have her own stories to tell.

someone has to be the oldest. someone has to blaze the trail. it just sucks that its me sometimes. sometimes i wish i could just walk through my front door, throw off my backpack and crash on my bed with a book just like old times. but now if i ever did that everyone would ask what the heck i was doing home.

so with that said. i am currently sliding my cover letter, resume, and transcripts into a huge manila envelope and getting ready to send off my application to work up at Sleeping Bear Dunes for the summer. and i am SOOOOOOOOSOSOSOSOSOSOS freaking excited! pray for my decision. pray that i get the job. pray that i work with sweet people.

and just call me Ranger Duffey :-)