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Monday, February 2, 2009


there. i said it. i just want to put my flaws out there for all to see. being honest. coming clean...

tonight i got to speak at club again and this time i talked about the fact that Jesus has been where we are. he has felt what we are feeling. we talked about "me too" moments...when you are in the midst of something or you are feeling a certain way and you don't want answers, you don't want advice...all you want is for someone to grab your shoulders, look into your eyes and say..."me too. i have been there too."

growing up the majority of my fights with my parents were because i was too prideful. we would get into stupid fights because my parents would correct me or tell me to do things and i would get frustrated because i would have already been in the process of doing it or i would have just thought of it and i was mad that they didn't just let me figure it out on my own. they would just rip the carpet right out from under me, causing me to fall on my butt before i could do myself the favor of stepping off the rug in the first annoying!

but really. i find myself getting mad when people offer advice. sometimes i just want to tell someone something and just have them say, "that sucks man, but i understand what you mean." and that would be it. no advice, no step by step plan of attack, no pitying glance. i hate feeling like i have a lot of problems, like i have a lot of things to work through. it is just therapeutic for me to vent my problem, get a simple statement and that be the end of it. the longer the conversation draws out, the bigger of a problem it will become in my mind.

i have always had it in the back of my mind to just relax. take it easy and not worry about things so much. this past summer being a beach bum really taught me how to do that. no hurries, no worries, just Jesus. i love that quote. in a fast paced world i just want to be chill. i like calming people down. i like to be calm. i feel like sometimes people take it as me being sad, or like i'm giving up, or like i don't give a rip...but i am just trying to promote peace for my own sanity.

one of my favorite authors, David Nasser, says this:
"Was the road passable before? Sure it was...but that's not the point."
pride, worries, rushing. these things are in my life, but i still make through each day. but that's not the point...just because something works doesn't mean there isn't a problem. it doesn't mean there isn't a better way.

i don't want to be complacent. i am striving for a better way.

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