slow down, young girl.

i am currently obsessed with wyclef jean and his new cd.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=43976834

please listen to:
slow down (featuring T.I.),
fast car (featuring Paul Simon),
any other day (featuring Norah Jones)

amazing.

for a long time i thought rap was just a gangster, girl bashing, drug loving genre that was good for nothing but looking like a foolish white person. lately though i have come to appreciate it as more of an art form; like any other music. it is a beautiful thing and there are people that just know how to do it right.



anywayssssssss.
i have been on vacation for exactly one week now. and i feel like a lazy bum. i have been doing nothing but sleeping in, watching movies, reading, and working a little bit. i've gone back to Williamston a few times to watch some basketball games and eat dinner with the fam, but i don't think i'm going to go back until this weekend to stay. it kind of feels like i have no where to go home anymore, my little sister took my room this past year so i don't have a room at home, it just makes me feel like a floater. i mean, i'm sure everyone experiences this feeling at some point, but i hate it. i love family and going home and having things the same over and over. i'm not really one for change...change makes me curl up into a grouchy cynical ball that doesn't feel like doing anything. i guess that could explain why i've felt like i'm grouchy and cynical all the time lately...because change is my life at this point.

everyday i wake up with this great plan for my day. to grow closer to god, to family and to friends, to work out, to check a bunch of stuff off my to do list and to have some alone time to just put life back into perspective. and everyday one thing after another just gets in the way of that plan. it's so easy for me to make excuses for why i can't get to everything in life...busy busy busy. it's such a cop out. my day doesn't have to go exactly as planned, but i'm so sick of wasted time.

in Psalm 37:5 we are commanded to "Commit your way to the Lord".
instead of waking up with a list of things i want to do...i need to wake up (with enough time for a quiet time) and ask God to show me the list of things he has planned for me. i need to find out what God wants to do with my day. if i am honestly seeking his will throughout my day, it will serve as motivation for me not to waste my time. if in every situation i am thinking "this is for you God" then there should be no way i choose to honor him with 4 hours on Facebook.

the other thing i have realized is that it's not going to change overnight. and that's ok. i was watching the Biggest Loser finale with my aunt tonight (we are reality tv junkies) and for each person it flashed back through their road to the finale and how hard they worked. these people were each around 250+ pounds and probably couldn't remember the last time they had worked out. it showed their first few MONTHS of working out and i couldn't help but think that that had to be the most frustrating feeling ever. you have worked your butt off round the clock (seriously all they do is work out for 6 months) and 2 months later you have only lost like 15 pounds and you want to lose 115. it would seem hopeless...i felt hopeless for them. we all want results so fast and if we have to wait too long we get impatient and move on unfulfilled. but i can tell you that when those contestants came through the door at the finale 6 months later and over 100 pounds thinner they knew that all that work was worth it. they didn't give up and they had finally reached their goal. they understood what it meant to work hard and they reaped the rewards for their faithfulness.

"The Lord rewards every man for his righteousness and faithfulness."
1 Samuel 26:23