500 self portraits

so im taking this class that examines different portraits and what the artist was trying to convey through them and how different people in different situations view themselves and their surroundings differently. i mean...it's not all bad i guess. but i can't help but think every time we pull apart a portrait, that we really probably have no clue what this artist was really thinking. i mean, if i was an artist, i would just paint something and be like..."wow, that looks sweet." and then i would hang it somewhere and laugh as all the smartypants tried to pick it apart as a thoughtful piece in which every stroke means something...come on people...this isn't the Bible...maybe a guy just thought something would look sweet and it did, so he's happy. end of story.

it's such an easy comparison to life though. so often we read so far into what people might be thinking or saying and really they are just simply thinking exactly what it seems. i drive myself crazy sometimes reading so far into different words and situations that i end up drowning and forgetting what they even said in the first place.

i have always prided myself in being a good listener. but the more i have thought about it...just being a person who is always there to sit and stare at you while you are talking isn't a good listener to me anymore. sometimes i find myself staring at the person talking while my mind wanders to the far corners of the earth...that is not listening, that is tolerating. a good listener needs to take things at face value, but ask the questions that could dig deeper into the persons words. i need to be able to walk away from a conversation and remember enough to think through it again and rethink what they were getting at and be able to pray for what they need. so often i say things that only scratch the surface of what im thinking, but im hoping for the person to pick up on a deeper meaning. i want people to listen and really listen and pick up on things...but i rarely do that for others. i have to be ok with asking the hard questions and challenge what is being said if i don't agree with it.

active. active. active.

its hard. its not something that im good at though and so it drives me to be better.
pray for that.